A Nightmare in Constellations
by NiraKaulitz
Summary: Happily ever after was supposed to have been within their reach, but fate and the stars seem to have other plans for Cole and his Inquisitor. The former spirit had never imagined that his happiness, his stability-his sanity could shatter in the blink of an eye. Can she put him back together again? (Direct sequel to More than the Stars)
1. Peraquialus

**A/N- First and foremost, this story is a sequel to More than the Stars. If you haven't read that but for some reason decided to pick this story up, I won't complain but some things might be a bit confusing. This particular fic involves a plot of my own creation and occurs six months after the events of Dragon Age: ****Inquisition, in which Solas has disappeared and Cassandra has become the New Divine. Cole and the Inquisitor are already in a relationship as the story begins-a relationship that played out in More than the Stars, just to be clear-and the strength of said relationship will be tested here. To those of you who reviewed my previous DA story and asked for a sequel, you are the inspiration behind this work. Thank you for all your support and know that I love all of you dearly. The final chapter and epilogue of More than the Stars will be posted tomorrow, something I put off for reasons too convoluted to explain without boring everyone. Also, the theme to these chapters are the Thedas Constellations, an idea inspired largely by Lady Milerna. I hope you guys enjoy this story as well~ **

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><p><em>"One day you fall for this boy. In the middle of nowhere. In the middle of snow.<em>

_He touches your body with his fingers. He burns holes in your skin with his mouth._

_And it hurts when you look at him. And it hurts when you don't._

_And it feels like someone cut you open with a jagged piece of glass._

_And then you realize that you always felt that way."_

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware, you guys know the rest. The quote above is also not mine.<strong>

**Chapter One: Peraquialus**

"If I tilt my head just right, it looks like you've disappeared into the snow."

He eyed the girl with curiosity as she spoke, his heart whispering words his mind did not yet understand. The rest of her clan and all of the Templars were fast asleep, as it was nearly 3 a.m., but Cole didn't have that ability and the elf beside him had no desire to lose herself to dreams. Not yet, at least. And it was just as well, because Cole had felt curious about her from the first moment he'd laid eyes on her. Even without his permission, she had been able to see him.

She could see him even now.

The girl, it seemed, was growing impatient with his persistent silence. Perhaps it had been a mistake to try and ease her guilt about the Templars, he thought as he watched her turn to him with a frown.

"That's what you do, right? Disappear?" she asked, a bite of irritation to her tone. He blinked once, and then again, wanting to understand her but afraid to delve into her mind any more than he had to. Something about _her_ made him hurt, and he wasn't sure why.

"Do I make you angry?" he said softly. If it was so, perhaps he would make her forget. He didn't want to, for the first time in his short life, but he'd do it for her. She deserved that much. This young elf was purer of heart than anyone else he had ever met.

"I asked you what you were and you said a _spirit_. I know what happens when spirits lose their way. I've seen it."

_Blood in the grass, on his shirt, in her hair. Her father had been strong, but not strong enough to save his First, Elynwyn, without dying himself. _Cole glanced over to the elves sleeping under the shelter of the trees and spotted the mage he was looking for, the one who had nearly become an abomination in her youth. The father of the elven girl beside him had rescued the mage, but had not survived the process.

"That's why you feel safer with the Templars," he said, following his own train of thought, "They're not always kind, but they are strong. They could kill me, stop _her_, if they had to."

The last part of his statement was not drawn from her mind, but his own. Cole had only stayed with the Templars because he knew they could end him if he became something...other.

"You're trying to help me," the girl muttered, leaning her head against the tree at her side, "But I don't trust you."

The words were spoken calmly, clearly, but he almost felt as if they'd been wrenched from her against her will. He needed to make sense of them, and it was clear that she was unwilling to explain.

"You're afraid I'll do something bad." he said slowly, uncertainly. She met his gaze with an expression he couldn't fathom, a look of confusion and melancholy mixed, and he felt his heart clench painfully in response. Why did it hurt to look at this stranger?

"No." she said with the air of someone admitting a truth they'd been trying to hide, "I'm afraid I won't want to fight you if you do."

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><p>He awoke from the dream slowly, slipping into reality in small increments until he could make out in the early morning light the outline of a girl sitting at the foot of the bed. She was turned away from him, running her fingers through her shoulder length, brightly brown hair, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw her. Cole sat up slowly and pushed the blanket away from him so he could move towards her, touch her the way he wanted to. He didn't quite understand those strange, burning urges to touch her that he got sometimes, but he was often powerless to stop himself from acting on them.<p>

"Good morning," she murmured with a smile as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, "Did you sleep well?"

It was an unnecessary question, he thought, because he'd been sleeping quite soundly for the past six months. Ever since the first time it had become a natural thing for him. Almost normal. Still, Cole wasn't interested in discussing his own well-being that morning. He needed to know something else, something his dreams of how they met could not tell him.

"Sindarel," he began anxiously, "If I become a demon, will you kill me?"

His lover gave her answer without a moment's hesitation.

"No."

Her certainty made him both happy and a little upset all at the same time, yet he wasn't sure why. She had been rather somber when she'd said the word, but she turned to him after with a brighter look on her face.

"Not that it matters now. You're barely even a spirit anymore."

She kissed him firmly, her lips fitting against his as if they were meant to do nothing else, and when she tried to pull away he held her to him for a moment longer. It had also been about six months since she'd started kissing him. He knew what to do with his mouth now, thanks to Iron Bull's relentless tutelage. There was a knock at the door and they broke apart.

"Inquisitor?"

It was Cullen who had disturbed them. Sindarel groaned audibly and he heard her thinking wistfully-_didn't want to stop yet._ He frowned as she went to the greet her advisor because he hadn't wanted it to end either.

"What do you need, Cullen?" she asked their visitor shortly. Her annoyance was painfully noticeable.

"Is this a bad time? I could come back later."

"I'm already up, amn't I? Just spit it out."

Cole found himself smiling at her snappy retort and dragged himself out of bed. She had her own work to deal with and he had his; Even without Corypheus threatening their lives, the Inquisition was never out of things to do.

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><p>"It's days like this I really miss Cassandra," Varric grumbled, referring to the woman who had left the Inquisition in order to become the new Divine. She came to Skyhold to visit the Inquisitor very often, but her absence was felt by all even so.<p>

Cole tilted his head to the side, tired of sifting through the pile of maps on the table before them. They were in the library, Varric, Dorian, and he, trying to figure out the best way one might ambush Griffon Wing Keep.

"Really? _You _miss Cassandra," Dorian said doubtfully, drawing a curved line on the map in front of him, "Well, now I've heard everything."

"She was always the best at ambushing. And attacking. Anything violent, really."

Dorian rolled his eyes, made a sarcastic comment about Varric speaking ill of their Most Holy, and then glanced over at Cole.

"Let's move on to something more interesting. Cole, how are things between you and our beloved Inquisitor?"

The mage posed the question nonchalantly but Cole knew, from the protective edge of his thoughts, that he was being tested by Dorian. He couldn't find it in himself to blame the Tevinter because he was Sindarel's best friend. Solas had reacted similarly when his relationship with the Inquisitor had been in its infancy.

_Solas._

Cole grit his teeth as he remembered his friend, the one who had left them without so much as a goodbye. Dorian was still watching him, waiting for an answer, however, and he could not dwell on his losses for long.

"Good. She's happy with me," he said pridefully, but then broke off with a sigh, "I wish she was here _now_. It's not fair."

Varric and Dorian chuckled at his displeasure, and although he wasn't sure why they did he couldn't help but smile in response. Joy was contagious to him, he often found himself doing his utmost to drink up as much of it as he could. He had wanted, prior to their laughter, to bring up those strange urges he sometimes got to kiss Sindarel in a way he didn't understand, to...to what? The best comparison he could make to this new feeling was the singular time he'd gone swimming and had nearly drowned; Sometimes when she pressed herself to him he forgot how to breathe. He felt that trying to explain that to his friends would impede the happiness they had stumbled upon and chose not to mention it to extend their positivity for as long as he could.

"Ah, young love. What I wouldn't do for a chance to be twenty and inexperienced all over again." Dorian said with a dramatic air and Varric bit his bottom lip to stop himself from speaking a sardonic remark out loud.

_Really doubt you were ever _inexperienced, _Dorian._

"Maybe we should get back to work." he muttered instead, "Wouldn't do to have Leliana kill me for something so boring."

Cole nodded solemnly and returned his attention to a topical map he'd found on one of the further bookshelves. The thing was rather uninteresting so he'd taken to doodling rabbits on the corner of it, and he struggled to remind himself that this was something Sindarel needed if she was going to truly claim the Western Approach for the Inquisition. He fiddled nervously with the brim of his hat and then chewed at his fingernails, unable to sit still, unable to keep his mind from racing, searching out the thoughts of the one person he most wanted to see. What was she doing? Was she thinking about him the way he couldn't keep himself from thinking of her? Perhaps he should just-

_LEANDER!_

This single word was cried with so much intensity that Cole felt it reverberating around his head long after it was said. The thought hadn't been his. There was no explanation given for the outburst but Cole knew by instinct that something was wrong, something had happened. He had to go to her.

Without a word to either of his friends he stood up from his seat and made his way around the table, heading for the railing that separated their floor from the one below it.

"You okay, kid?" Varric asked kindly, but his expression turned to shock in another second as Cole placed one confident hand on the barrier in front of him and hopped over it without any type of explanation or warning. Luckily for all involved parties, Cole was not the sort to be injured by something so simple as a difficult landing.

_Too slow_, a treacherous, unfamiliar voice seeped into his mind, _you will always be too slow. _The poisonous thought frightened the young man, but he didn't have time to dwell on it as he burst into the main hall. Sindarel needed his help. He glanced around the room, his eyes roving, searching, but he didn't find her until he looked towards the wide double doors at the far end of the hall. She was in the arms of a man he didn't know and she was crying.

"S-Sindarel?" he said her name warily, his voice shaking. If the situation had been any different, he would have assumed that this stranger had attacked his Inquisitor. He would have fought him, killed him if he had to. As it was, however, Sindarel's tears were joyful ones; Cole could already taste the jubilation that tinted every thought flashing through her mind. She pulled slowly out of the embrace and turned to face him, beaming so brightly that for a moment he could see nothing else. But then he saw _him._

Oh.

The Dalish elf standing beside Sindarel looked so like her, what with his messy, brown locks and his sapphire eyes, that he could only be her older brother. Sindarel had spoken of him at length. He wanted to shake the stranger's hand, something Varric had taught him a while back, but the tenor of Leander's thoughts suggested that Cole should keep his mouth shut.

"This is him," he said, still glaring at the blond in front of him, "The demon?"

Cole visibly stiffened at the accusation, at the mention of the word he'd tried so viciously to put behind him, and Sindarel noticed. She swiped at her teary eyes briefly before stepping away from her brother and taking Cole's right hand into both of her own.

"He's not a demon. He's never _been_ a demon, Leander." she hissed, frowning, "I love you but if you can't get along with Cole, then perhaps it's best you leave."

The elven man glanced at his sister and his harsh expression softened for the slightest fraction of a second, but there was a sneer playing around the edges of his lips as he turned back to Cole.

"I can behave myself. I'm not here for him anyway. Sind, is there anywhere we can speak alone?"

The Inquisitor nodded at him, smiling once again, and squeezed her lover's hand briefly before leading her brother down the hall towards the throne. Cole watched them go with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, but the sensation became alarmingly hostile when he considered the retreating figure of Leander.

_Hurt him. Break him. You know you want to._

The venomous voice from earlier was back and whispering in his ear and he didn't have the slightest clue as to where it had come from and how he might fend it off. Cole searched his own thoughts, scoured his own mind, and came up with nothing. Was he safe? As soon as he considered the possibility that he may have been imagining things, the anomaly was back.

Cole tasted Fear.


	2. Silentir

**A/N-Thank you all for the strong response to my first chapter, i appreciate the reviews and follows and im happy that so many of you decided to return for the sequel ^^ a few things I should mention, this story will feature other viewpoints besides Cole's for reasons that will become obvious later on, there will be a quote relating to each chapter in the beginning (as can be seen below), characters that where pushed aside before will be making more appearances now, and I think that's everything I can think of right now. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter~**

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><p><em>"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. <em>

_And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."_

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware, you guys know the rest. The quote above is also not mine.<strong>

**Chapter Two: Silentir**

Fog rose from the ground in a haze, in thick curtains, until it stifled his senses and he was unsure whether anything truly existed outside of his mind. Cole knew that the Exalted Plains were not often so covered in the cottony blanket they were cutting their way through now and he had to wonder if it was wise to be making this journey before the land had settled. There had been a fire to the west not too long ago and the smoke from that, combined with the magic at play that gave rise to the dead, had covered the land in this impenetrable layer of white.

At the very least, he reminded himself, he was lucky that he could still make Sindarel out through it all. She was walking at the front of their group, her brother at her side, and every once in a while she would glance back and throw him a reassuring smirk that warmed his heart. It was difficult to feel anxious when she was with him.

_But who knows how long that will last?_

A shiver ran up his spine as he heard that sulfurous whisper weaving through his thoughts again, a sourceless disturbance he simply could not shake. Whatever this thing was, it had made its presence quite known to him since Leander had arrived at Skyhold and he was desperate to shut it out. He couldn't, however. How can one end that which they cannot understand?

"Cole, is it?" an unfamiliar voice addressed him in a rather antagonistic tone. He moved his gaze from his feet to the person now pacing along at his side and was surprised to find that Leander had fallen back to join him. Out of all the members of their little party-Sindarel, Vivienne, and Iron Bull- this man was the last person Cole had expected would want to speak to him.

"Yes, that is my name." he said earnestly, garnering a raised eyebrow from the elven rogue.

"I was warned that you often speak in riddles, but no one informed me that you took everything so literally as well. I'm trying to introduce myself. As you already know, I am Leander Lavellan, Sindarel's older brother."

The bitterness in Leander's tone had dissipated somewhat and Cole felt safe enough to meet the elf's icy gaze. He sifted through the archer's thoughts, found a myriad of memories that starred his sister, and glanced back at Bull and Vivienne before lowering his voice and answering.

"You don't like me." he muttered, "_No one can tame a demon. Spirits are just demons in another form. He _will _turn, eventually, and every moment he spends with her is just another moment she's in danger._"

Leander blinked in surprise as Cole read his thoughts aloud, and became even more alarmed when the boy's normally expressionless visage adjusted to form a scowl.

"You're wrong. Even if I changed-" Cole broke off abruptly, hating even the possibility that the scenario in the elf's mind might someday become reality, "Even if I changed, I would not harm Sindarel. Not her."

The archer at his side was silent for some time, his mind buzzing as he processed the certainty in Cole's tone, and the blond rogue had a chance to reevaluate their surroundings. The shroudy mist had given way somewhat and he spotted, as they splashed through a shallow portion of an unfamiliar river, a Dalish camp in the distance. A herd of halla, multiple tents, and several covered wagons marked the boundaries of the elven settlement, and a few Dalish were already on the outskirts of it all awaiting their arrival.

"I hope you're right, Cole." Leander said with a meaningful look at the spirit-turned-man, and then sped up to walk with his sister once more. As he went, Cole noted that his thoughts were decidedly less hostile in regards to his presence. Had he said the right thing?

He stood back with Bull and Vivienne as Sindarel strode fearlessly-_too fearlessly_, he thought, _she should be more careful_-up to the clan's keeper and began conversing with him in a language he didn't understand. The party had been informed prior to venturing into the Plains that Leander had arrived in order to ask the Inquisition to assist a clan in Orlais with some secretive issue, but he knew nothing more of it. Bull suggested that it might have something to do with the remaining Free Marchers. Even in defeat they still continued to pester the Dalish that Briala championed.

"Is this what we've been reduced to? Helping every needy family we come across?" Vivienne asked a question that should have been insulting in a rather nonchalant tone, "The previous Inquisition laid down their arms when the time came."

Bull let out snort and aimed a mischievous grin Vivienne's way. "The last Inquisition didn't have our Inquisitor."

Cole and the mage standing beside him both knew exactly what Iron Bull was talking about. Corypheus had been killed and the Breach had been sealed, but Sindarel had decided that there was need for her people yet. There would be more battles to fight, she had claimed, and until the mage/templar issue had resolved itself, she would not even _think _of disbanding them. The Templars had been dissolved and reincorporated as part of the Inquisition, and the remaining mages had been granted clemency and a tentative sort of freedom under Cassandra's reign as the Most Holy, but Thedas still struggled under what tension was left between the two groups.

A few minutes later Sindarel skipped back over to them with Leander trailing behind and affirmed Iron Bull's suspicions.

"Empress Celene might do something more permanent later on, but for now we can get rid of the encampment to the west. Is that okay with all of you?"

Vivienne gave a curt nod and a pleasant smile that Cole knew hid the worry she held for Sindarel. The Orlesian mage often wondered if their leader might eventually love the power she was given a little too much, just as her predecessors had. She didn't want that to happen.

"You know we'll do whatever you say, Boss." Bull was as agreeable as ever. Cole kicked at the ground idly, knowing that no answer was required from him. The day he went against Sindarel's wishes would be the same day all of Thedas froze over.

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><p>The Free Marchers put up a decent fight but after months of slaying demons and dealing with darkspawn, the Inquisition had become too powerful to stand against with so few men. Cole used the remainder of his spirit abilities to flash out of sight just as one particularly gargantuan man came lumbering over to him. To his surprise it was Leander who came to his aid then, downing the enemy with a single arrow and turning to nod at him once he was safe. The blond was impressed by his skill, but not very shocked as he knew that any blood relative of Sindarel's would be exceptional at their craft.<p>

At the mention of her name in his mind, his heart gave a sudden jump. Cole had taken to keeping an eye on the Inquisitor at all times during their skirmishes, insuring that he would always be within arm's reach in case she was put in harm's way. In his consideration of her brother, he had temporarily forgotten _her._ He spun around, seeking her out, and his breath caught in his throat as he saw her on the ground with her sword pressing against the blade of an enemy's axe which hung much too close to her face.

"_No!_" the cry ripped from his throat as he reappeared beside her and drove a dagger into the Free Marcher's side. The cut was not a fatal one, but it was jarring enough to remove the man from Sindarel's person. Cole watched with fire in his eyes, a snarl on his lips as the enemy clutched at the wound by his chest and a new emotion, a _foreign _emotion, shot quickly through his system. It was anger, but more. It was hatred, but more. The feeling wasn't _his._

_Rip into the flesh._

Without a glance at any of his companions, Cole kicked the Marcher onto his back and kneeled down to clutch at his armor, to pull him close until they were face to face. He found that his newest emotion was urging him to _watch_ as the life drained from this stranger's eyes. Speedily and without flinching, he stabbed the man in the stomach right between the seams of his armor, relishing the feel of blood flowing over his left hand, the scent of iron in the air. The blade went in again and again even after the man had died, even after the others were yelling for him to stop. He had not heard them. He was the boy who heard _everything _and he had not noticing his companions practically screaming into his ears.

A large arm wrapped itself around his middle and dragged him away from his prey and he kicked and fought to get free. Cole was not himself until Sindarel was in front of him, grabbing at his bloodied hands in an attempt to calm him.

"He's _dead, _Cole! I'm fine-we're all fine and the Free Marchers are finished-look at me!"

Her voice was, at the very least, enough of a reminder to force him to remember himself. He chased that poisonous, mysterious fury from his veins and met her gaze, hating the fear he found there. Was she afraid of him? He rifled swiftly through her mind, searching for his answer, and nearly buckled under the wave of relief he felt when he found it.

No. As always, Sindarel was afraid _for _him.

"I told you this would happen," another voice hissed from somewhere beyond his line of sight, and Cole quickly recognized it as that of Leander.

"What's he talking about?" it was Iron Bull who spoke next and Cole realized that the strong arm wrapped around him belonged to his Qunari friend. Sindarel shot a glare in her brother's direction before responding.

"My brother thinks Cole might burst into fully-fledged demon form at any second, can you believe that?" she stated it as if it was a joke, but her words frightened Cole, "You're wrong, Leander."

"How can you be certain?"

Vivienne moved into view, coming to a halt in front of Cole and glancing over him quizzically, as if she was searching for a hint of the change she had always expected might come. He hoped with everything in him that she would come up empty-handed.

"Cole's no demon," Sindarel hissed through gritted teeth, "I will not have you accusing him of this _again_ after we've proven otherwise so many times. You just want him to change because it will prove that you were right and that Solas was no smarter than you are."

His Inquisitor was lashing out at her companion out of rage and Cole watched sadly as the accusation made Vivienne recoil as if she'd been physically hit. He had been in the mage's mind often enough to know that her worry was not a selfish one-Vivienne was honestly concerned for Sindarel's safety. He did not want to be the cause of any permanent damage to their friendship.

"The Iron Bull," Cole began anxiously, "Can you put me down?"

His friend did as he asked without hesitation and he was glad for it. No matter what happened, his lover and his friends would be on his side. He noted that the mage in the party was eyeing him suspiciously as he moved towards Sindarel and felt sorrow. Vivienne was not alone in her doubts; standing apart from their huddled group, Leander had his bow raised halfway from the ground just in case Cole lost himself again.

_They're right to be afraid._

The hated voice was back.

"Are you okay?" Sindarel inquired, stepping forward at once to tug at his shirt, to touch some part of him. It was instinctive for her. His hands shook as he placed them over hers.

"_I'm scared_." he whispered, feeling hot tears spring to his eyes. They would not fall, he knew that, but their presence bothered him nonetheless. He had never felt so helpless before, had never lost control like that. Even in the White Spire, Cole had been aware of every crime he'd committed. The Inquisitor ignored the wary gazes on her back and reached up to pull on his collar, to force him to bend down until she could press a gentle kiss to his cheek.

"I won't let them hurt you," she muttered, her warm breath on his skin. She had misinterpreted the source of his fears.

He was not the one in danger, he was sure of that now. He could not say the same for them.


	3. Kios

**A/N- Alright guys, here is where this story is gonna start getting sort of dark. I hope you guys don't hate me for it. As always I appreciate your reviews thus far and your speculations, . you were _so close _to guessing the exact right thing, but I'm sort of glad you didn't 'cos where's the fun in that? :P Lilybud, I never cared much for Vivienne either, but I'm determined to make her somewhat more likable in this story. She's the only one left who directly opposes Cole's presence anyway, since Sera sort of changed her mind, and I need that antagonism right now XD anyhow, everyone else please read on and review, if you can. I would even appreciate criticism at this point.**

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><p><em>"In the end, what separates a man from a slave?<em>

_Money? Power? No._

_A man chooses. A slave obeys."_

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware, you guys know the rest. The quote above is also not mine.<strong>

**Chapter Three: Kios**

"My dear, I believe it's high time we reevaluated the boy's situation." Vivienne postulated with her voice carefully controlled and taut, like a string that had been stretched too far. Sindarel was scowling in her seat beside the hearth, not quite able to enjoy the warmth the way she wanted to. Josephine had remembered to light a fire in the reading room that day.

"Nothing needs to be _reevaluated_." the Inquisitor muttered, spitting the last word as if it was poisonous to her. Cole was far enough away from the two to listen in on the conversation without taking part in it. They'd left the Exalted Plains over two days ago, had arrived at Skyhold just that morning, and the boy still hadn't stopped feeling afraid of himself.

Even worse, that sulfurous _other_ presence had made a permanent place for itself in his mind.

It spoke to him, whispered words he had long forgotten, commands that urged him to draw blood in order to exist. That wasn't who he was anymore. He had to repeat it to himself constantly, that he was no longer a spirit just barely on the verge of existence, that he was almost human. He needed to keep the darkness at bay.

"I wish Morrigan was still here," Sindarel said as an afterthought, "She might have been able to make you understand that he's a real person now."

Vivienne shot the Inquisitor a twisted, pitying smile. In her head she noted that it was a good thing that she, Sindarel, and Cole were alone in the small, rectangular room. She was glad no one else was there to see the depth of the young elf's naivete.

"You know something else is at play now, Inquisitor. When Cole attacked that poor man, he was not completely himself. In fact, _he_ was the one who first said that to you."

It was true. Once he had gathered his wits about him, Cole had immediately informed his Inquisitor how he had felt and what he had thought when he'd repeatedly stabbed that Free Marcher's lifeless corpse, leaving out only the fact that some unknown entity had whispered the initial order to attack into his mind. Something in him had thought it best to omit that particular piece of information.

"Cole becoming a demon isn't the only explanation, you know. He could've just-" Sindarel's voice broke and she clenched her hands into fists to stop them from shaking, "All kinds of things happen on the battlefield. It's not always the worst case scenario."

"You should at least _consider_-"

"No. I'm done discussing this. We've spoken of nothing else for nearly three days."

The Inquisitor pushed herself up and moved away from the fireplace, away from the warmth. She completely disregarded Vivienne as she walked past her and Cole felt the enmity between the two. He hated it. Once again he was causing Sindarel to argue with her friends for his benefit and once again he was powerless to do anything about it.

"Come on," she whispered to him, winding their fingers together and tugging him towards the door. He complied with her wishes, as he always did, and the two made their way up the stairs that led to the main hall.

"Stop making that face." Sindarel said suddenly, firmly, and her words caught Cole off guard. He stopped in his tracks on the steps and tilted his head quizzically.

"I can't make my face, Sindarel." he pointed out, and she almost smiled at his words. Cole wasn't sure why, but he was happy to see that careful half-grin nonetheless.

"That's not what I meant. You look sad all the time now, did you know that?"

He shook his head, signifying that he didn't, and she let out a sigh and continued leading him up the stairs. She pulled open the door at the top of the staircase and they entered the main hall only to be ambushed by Leander and Varric in another second.

"What happened down there?" Varric growled, his tone one of anger. Cole had rarely seen the dwarf look angry before then and the sight worried him. "Since you all got back, no one's talked to me at all."

Leander narrowed his eyes at Cole's friend and spoke through gritted teeth. It was obvious that the elder Lavallen had a temper problem.

"I've said it already, it's not your business unless Sindarel decides it is."

The Inquisitor kicked at her brother gently, jokingly, a weak attempt to ease the tension between the four of them.

"You should learn to be kinder to my friends," she said to him, and then turned to Varric, "I'm sorry Varric, Vivienne insisted that I speak of it to no one until a decision was made. She and my idiot brother seem to think that Cole is morphing into a demon."

Her words made the dwarf's eyes tighten with worry, but he moved towards Cole and patted him on the arm like they hadn't affected him. The blond appreciated that.

"Yeah right. The kid's practically human by this point, that's not about to change."

He shot Sindarel an uneasy grin and Cole saw her return it hesitantly. Neither he nor Leander missed the exchange between the two, but neither of them brought it up either.

"Inquisitor!" someone called for Sindarel from across the hall and the entire group turned to look for the source of the voice. It was Josephine, holding her writing board and waving her free hand above her head. "Inquisitor, I have some information I need you to see, if you have the time."

The elven warrior nodded at her advisor and left the other three to see what she had to say. As soon as she was gone, Leander turned to Cole with venom in his gaze.

"You and I both know what's happening to you. You're not helping by keeping quiet right now."

Cole opened his mouth to retort, but Varric beat him to it. The dwarf even moved to stand between the boy and his opposition, just to be safe.

"Back off, Freckles. The kid's been through enough without you piling on."

_It's time._

It was back. That voice was back and it was hissing confusing words into his mind once again. Always.

"Freckles?" Leander repeated the nickname questioningly before scowling and returning to the topic at hand, "Look, this is bigger than him. My sister is in danger, and she's not going to admit it until he does."

_What a rude elf. Perhaps you should do something to silence him._

The archer moved around Varric and jabbed Cole in the chest with one unyielding forefinger.

_Pathetic._

"You said you wouldn't hurt her, didn't you? Prove it! _Tell_ her-"

_Do as I say. Break him._

Cole was not quite aware of his actions as he reached for the hand that was prodding at his chest and pulled back on the fingers he'd grabbed, relentless even when Leander let out a sharp yelp. _Snap. _The bones splintered like wood, sharp but easy, and the elf before him fell to his knees, clutching at his hand as he yelled. Varric turned to him with shock and fear etched into every part of his face, but Cole did not recognize him. Did not know him.

The world around him seemed to move in slow motion as a guard rushed over to them, having seen what had taken place, and attempted to ram Cole with his shield. The man ignored Varric's attempts to get in his way. The blond boy sidestepped the guard's feeble bash confidently and, without even considering the motion, jabbed a hand into the man's chest. He should not have been able to do that. Even as a full-fledged spirit, Cole had never been so powerful. Some sort of pulse shot through his system and the guard was dead, his lifeless corpse dangling in Cole's grip. There were cries from across the hall and from closer by as Varric turned to him, put his arms out in an attempt to stop the boy's attacks.

Varric was a stranger.

Cole reached forward and wrapped his fingers around the dwarf's throat, paid no heed to the jolt of betrayal that shot through the dwarf's mind as he regarded the blond with some expression he'd never turned on him before.

_End the dwarf._

The pulse shot through his palm again and Varric's eyes drifted shut, his body fell to the floor. Cole didn't even glance at his friend as he turned back to Leander, intent on finishing what he had started. Sindarel's brother was still kneeling on the ground, clutching his injured hand to his chest and meeting Cole's gaze with a defiant glare. He'd never have to look into those judgemental eyes again.

He took a step forward, that same foreign magic still swirling through his veins, but someone rammed into his back, clutched at the cloth over his stomach before he could reach his destination.

"Cole," the unknown entity cried from behind him, and he knew the voice, "_Stop!_"

_Ignore the Inquisitor._

He wanted to. Everything in his mind, in his heart was screaming at him to do as he was told and pull out of Sindarel's grasp, but he found that even that much couldn't dispel his loyalty to her. He froze in place and waited for what came next, whatever it happened to be. Cole was himself again and he was disgusted, horrified by his actions. He wanted to fall to his knees beside Varric and sob until he couldn't think anymore, but that wasn't an option.

The young man had realized why his hands had committed such pointless atrocities, why there was a foreign presence in his mind that he could not shake. The existence was not entirely unfamiliar to him, but he had not recognized it until it had taken control of his actions.

The Nightmare from the Fade had its talons in him, and it did not want to let go.


	4. Judex

**A/N- Okay, I feel like apologies are in order before I let y'all read this chapter. I forgot to mention last chapter that because I'm starting school again, these updates aren't gonna be as regular as they were. I do think I mentioned before that not all of the chapters would be from Cole's pov anymore and this is the first one that isn't, so I hope that's not too confusing. Also, this chapter isn't one of the more interesting ones but it's necessary in order for things to make sense. If you're lost right now, that's okay, I promise everything gets cleared up by the end! Please read on and enjoy!**

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><p><em> "War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; <em>

_but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, _

_nor the arrow for its swiftness, _

_nor the warrior for his glory._

_ I love only that which they defend." _

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware, you guys know the rest. The quote above is also not mine.<strong>

**Chapter Four: Judex**

Leliana pressed her palms to her eyes as she went over the information that had been presented to her, understanding but unsure. It was difficult to think when every member of the Inquisitor's inner circle and her two fellow advisors were all crowded into her small, cylindrical room at the top of the tower and shouting over each other, but she had to maintain her composure because she was the spymaster. She would not sink to the level of anyone lesser.

"We don't understand the extent of his possession." Sindarel said swiftly but calmly, and Leliana knew she was speaking so to cover up how dangerously close to tears she felt. She was one of the few who believed that Cole could be saved and was arguing against his permanent imprisonment, banishment, or, if Vivienne got what she wanted, his execution. It was a difficult situation to be sure, but all who were present were at a loss for how to react towards the information that had been presented to them.

After Cole's breakdown, his murder of a guard, assault of the Lavallen brother, and the...what he'd done to Varric, he had only ceased his atrocities when Sindarel had commanded it. As it was, the guards left it up to her to guide him up to her room where she'd allowed Dorian to cast a barrier over the space that would keep him from slipping away. The three had spoken and Cole had explained that an enemy-a demon they had fought before had resurfaced and, however briefly, taken control of him.

And, Leliana reminded herself as their Inquisitor tried to tackle Cullen, the demon in question wasn't one of the lesser ones, the ones that ran rampant in the Fade. The Nightmare-the demon of Fear had latched onto Cole and no one knew why. It was supposed to have been dead.

Perhaps it _would _be better to simply dispose of the boy.

"Your emotions are getting in the way of your judgement, Inquisitor." Josephine was solemn as Dorian and Iron Bull pried Sindarel off of their Commander. She was crying then, tears streaming down her heart-shaped face in silence as she yelled.

"OF COURSE MY EMOTIONS ARE GETTING IN THE WAY, _I LOVE HIM_!"

Her words, shouted with a ferocity that did not really suit her, tugged at Leliana's heart. No, killing Cole was not an option. Even if it was the wisest thing to do, Sindarel would not survive it. Furthermore, the former spirit was a friend of Leliana's and she didn't have many of those anymore. She wanted to keep the few she had left.

"Varric may be dead, my dear, he may never wake up from whatever horror Cole-the demon cast him into," Vivienne spoke next, her tone soothing even when her words weren't, "And yet you continue to blindly protect him-it."

"Your attempts to separate yourself from the boy are winning you no favors, Viv." Dorian said, frowning as he held Sindarel to him. The First Enchanter shot him a burning look and admonished him for using that hated nickname only to be interrupted by Sera demanding to know whether Vivienne knew just how "full of shit" she was. By then Leliana had realized that unless she did something to calm them all down, the argument might erupt into a full-blown scuffle. She stepped out into the middle of the group and threw her arms up, left her palms open.

"Everybody, be quiet! We are not going to get anywhere screaming at each other like this." she cried, and everyone else fell silent. Leliana took the opportunity to turn towards Dorian, "I need you to explain what's happened to Cole in its entirety. Don't leave anything out. We cannot come to a decision when we don't even understand the problem."

The mustachioed mage let out a sigh before answering her. "It's rather simple, really. I don't think Cole understands it that well himself but we do know now that we never truly killed Fear. It seems he latched on to our boy while we were in the Fade and is capable of controlling him to some extent."

"Precisely, Dorian. He can't just be allowed to walk free when he's a constant danger to everyone around him." Vivienne pointed out as she smoothed down the skirt of her dress, "And we have no idea if he can be jailed for an extended period of time, you saw how powerful he was. Termination might be a better solution."

Sindarel ripped herself away from Dorian at this comment and spoke in a frightening hiss. It was surprisingly threatening for one who had been crying.

"I will not allow harm to come to him."

They all fell quiet again at this declaration, for what more was there to say? The group was at an impasse and Leliana began to think a lively debate such as this was the absolute last thing they had needed. It was only when she'd begun considering sending everyone off to get some rest that Blackwall spoke up.

"Why can't we just enter the Fade and destroy the demon again?"

It was the basest of solutions, an answer so obvious that none of them had thought of it: Look not at the product of the problem but to its source. He was right, if they could deal with the Nightmare again then there was a good chance Cole could be freed from his influence.

"That's not a bad idea." Dorian muttered, pressing a thumb to his lower lip, "I mean we do have an elf who can open rifts into the Fade right here."

Sindarel's eyes sparkled with new hope at his comment, but then a dark cloud passed over her expression and she was scowling once again.

"I can definitely get us in, but I have no way of navigating it." she explained, "We could end up anywhere. In fact the chances of us turning up anywhere close to Fear are slim to none."

"Then what do you suggest we do, Inquisitor?" Cullen asked, looking appropriately somber. Sindarel bit her lip before turning to Leliana and the spymaster instinctively knew what she was going to be asked to do.

"I need Solas." the Inquisitor proclaimed, "As quickly as possible. I know you have several leads, Leliana, and I've never asked you to actually send anyone after him before, but this-I can't do this without him. He knows the Fade better than anyone."

Leliana moved towards Sindarel and took her hand, gave her a gentle smile. Since the Fifth Blight had ended, the redheaded bard had existed in perpetual darkness until that darkness became all she knew. The Inquisition and its Inquisitor had changed that, first by renewing her faith and then again by personally affecting her opinions. She hadn't become the new Divine as she'd wanted to, but she had gained something else instead. Her humanity, maybe. Her hope.

"I will find him, Inquisitor. I can promise you that."


	5. Solium

**A/N- Hi again, everyone. I'm not even sure what to say about this chapter, except that it's really sappy? I get the feeling that you guys like that most of the time though, so hopefully it'll be okay. Hmm...yeah that's probably everything I have to say. I love you guys, please leave reviews and whatnot if you liked/disliked this chapter!**

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><p><em>"Start by pulling him out of the fire and<em>  
><em>hoping that he will forget the smell.<em>  
><em>He was supposed to be an angel but they took him<em>  
><em>from that light and turned him into something hungry,<em>  
><em>something that forgets what his hands are for when they<em>  
><em>aren't shaking.<em>  
><em>He will lose so much, and you will watch it all happen<em>  
><em>because you had him first, and you would let the world<em>  
><em>break its own neck if it means keeping him.<em>  
><em>Start by wiping the blood off of his chin and<em>  
><em>pretending to understand.<em>  
><em>Repeat to yourself<em>  
><em>"I won't leave you, I won't leave you"<em>  
><em>until you fall asleep and dream of the place<em>  
><em>where nothing is red.<em>  
><em>When is a monster not a monster?<em>  
><em>Oh, when you love it.<em>  
><em>Oh, when you used to sing it to sleep.<em>

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Dragon Age belongs to Bioware, you guys know the rest. The quote above is also not mine.<strong>

**Chapter Five: Solium**

Varric.

Was he still alive? Was he injured? Did he hate Cole for what he'd done?

He should.

The blond had been able to think of little else for the past few hours. He was entirely alone in the room he shared with Sindarel and a magical ward set up by Dorian ensured that he would remain that way until she returned to him. He was thankful for that. If anyone besides her entered, the Nightmare would most certainly be able to use him to kill them. There was only one person in the world he cared for enough to have it overpower any urge he ever felt to kill, and it was her. It would always be her.

_I will find a way to change that, in time._

He grit his teeth and shoved his demon as far back into his mind as he could. Cole couldn't fight the monster, not really, because it was him. How can one fight against something that is essentially themselves?

He heard the door to the room creak open down the short staircase to his left and braced himself against the onslaught of execution commands he knew the Nightmare would hiss into his mind. By the time Sindarel appeared at the top of the steps he was clenching his hands as they shook with the desire to wrap themselves around her throat.

"Is Varric dead?" he asked before she could even begin to speak. Sindarel gulped and then moved forward to kneel just feet away from where he was sitting cross-legged on the cold, stone floor.

"He's alive, but…" she trailed off for a moment and he heard a low hum as she tried to gather her thoughts, "Whatever the Nightmare did to him, he hasn't woken up from it. The Healer says we need to give him time."

A wave of relief crashed over him, so strong that he almost missed the way she blamed the Nightmare for the terrible deed and not him. Even when he was undoubtedly guilty for the crime, she tried to protect him from it.

"Corner of the Tavern, up the stairs, in the dark. I asked you to kill me if I ever became a demon." Cole reminded her.

Sindarel frowned. "And I refused. Is that really what you want? To make me live without you?"

"No."

"Then don't even think of bringing that up again."

The blond let out a solemn sigh. When had he begun to love his life so much that he was unwilling to give it up even as he became a danger to everyone around him? When he'd fallen for the Inquisitor, most likely. His thoughts were of no comfort to him then so he ventured further into the depths of hers.

"_He looks so tired. If only I could kiss away those bruises beneath his eyes_."

Sindarel smirked as he spoke her mind for her and held her hands out to him. He took them despite the fact that he could feel that he was walking a very dangerous line in doing so.

_Strangle her._

I won't.

"I'm going to be gone for a while, Cole." his Inquisitor said then, her expression dimming a notch, "Leliana has an idea of where Solas is and I have to find him."

His heart clenched as her mind revealed to him the rest of her plan.

"You're going to kill Fear. For me. Always for me."

The Nightmare inside him bristled again, demanded Sindarel's death, but Cole would not give it.

"Anything for you." she whispered, nodding. A moment of silence passed between them and then the Inquisitor changed the topic. "Cole, you used to make observations on the...the _souls_ of our friends, do you remember? Like the time you read my mind and said-"

"_You're t__oo bright, like counting birds against the sun_. I remember."

"Right. Could you tell me what you think of yourself?"

"Me?"

She grimaced. "Yes. Please. I'd like to hear it before I leave."

"I...I was afraid, before. All the time." Cole swallowed thickly as he remembered what he'd been through, his fingers tightening around hers, "Afraid of losing, leaving, letting go. A bird trapped in a cage I couldn't even see."

He broke off abruptly as the Nightmare rose up again in an intoxicating cloud and commanded that Cole rip his lover's throat out. No. No.

He screwed his eyes shut and went on.

"But then I found you and you made me laugh. _I don't want anyone else, I want you_! You said that and I felt safe for...for the first time."

Without another word, Sindarel kissed him soundly and he allowed himself to take in every minute detail of it, knowing that this wouldn't happen again for some time. In that moment it was actually rather easy to shove the words of Fear away. However present that monster was inside Cole, his love for Sindarel was even more so.

They broke apart after a few more seconds and she got to her feet, whispered _goodbye_ as she went. With a sad little smile that was meant to comfort him more than anything else, Sindarel turned away from him and walked back across the room. A sense of unease grew in the pit of his stomach as he watched her retreating form and he began to count the seconds in an attempt to calm himself.

One.

He admired the gentle curve of her neck, the way her hair fell across her upper back in a single, choppy cascade. Her shoulders shook just slightly as she moved, something he would not have noticed if he hadn't been staring at her so intently, and his breath caught in his throat as he realized she was either near tears or crying already.

Two.

The Dalish elves always had this graceful air about them, as if they were connected to some ancient way of being that even he couldn't fathom. Sindarel embodied this to her core and her lineage was reflected in her steps as she moved further away from him.

Three.

He wanted to see her face, to have her sapphire eyes follow him around the room the way they always did. He wanted it forever. He wanted her to turn to him so he could be sure he'd properly memorized the shape of her lips, the way they were constantly turned up just slightly at the edges. He wanted to count her freckles again and realize, not for the first time, that there were too many of them to allow for that possibility. Cole wanted her to stay.

Four.

His chest ached as he realized that to him, she would always be perfect. He saw no flaws in her, or thought he didn't, for the things that truly were flaws only endeared her to him even more. How was it fair that she had chosen him? How was it fair that she had to suffer at his hands? He couldn't ask her to turn back, couldn't call her name one last time, couldn't reassure the worry that rang out in her mind too loudly for him to ignore. It was too much, all of it was too much.

_Five._

The door swung shut behind her. She was gone-she was gone and she had taken every constellation in the world with her, had plucked the very stars from the night sky. He was in perpetual darkness with only the Nightmare still dwelling in his mind for company. Sindarel was the sun, and he was suddenly sure he'd never feel warm again if she didn't return to him in time to save him from himself. Perhaps Varric had been right all along when he'd said that love would hurt him. He was certainly hurting now.

Perhaps some part of him was doomed to hurt forever.


End file.
